Guiding Teens to Self Worth
As parents, we want our teens to feel confident with who they are.
However, it may be difficult to tell if your teen actually feels good in their own skin, or if they value their self-worth.
Question: WHY is it important for teens to feel confident in themselves, especially starting from a young age?
Answer: By building their self-worth and confidence in their young years, teenagers won’t have to rely on the pressures of society to become a version of themselves. Through my learnings and in my personal experiences as a mother of two, I’ve found that when it comes to external factors - such as social media and friend groups - teenagers may not live their life to their full potential, leading to a decrease in their overall confidence. Without much confidence, it’s tougher for teens to take risks, think outside of the box and transition into fully-formed adults.
Simply said, it’s an important growth factor for teenagers to be their true authentic selves, and not fit into a society replica.
How will we know if our teenagers are struggling with self-esteem and issues in developing their own confidence?
Non-verbal or subtle cues are hints at what your teenager is feeling, and when they need your support:
Your teen looks down or to the side when speaking to peers or adults.
They make bold statements such as, “I could never do that” or “I will definitely fail this math test.”
They often put others down to combat their own low self-esteem.
Their posture is off. Their head is always down, or they have narrow shoulders.
They brag excessively to mask their low self-esteem.
They are constantly apologizing for situations that are not their fault!
Now, let’s go back to the basics. Here’s how we as parents can guide our children to build up their self-worth and allow them to develop more confidence within themselves:
Lead by example, and your teenager will begin to mimic your behaviour. While doing so, be sure to speak kindly to yourself instead of belittling yourself, and face new and stressful situations with courage.
Acknowledge the positives in your teen life. Rather than complimenting your teenager in sad situations, be proactive and highlight the positives about their hobbies, grades and lifestyle. Be specific with your compliments too! (“You did a great job on that essay you wrote the other day.”)
Listen to your teenager, and resist turning every conversation into a “teachable moment”. Teenagers need a truth-worthy parent/friend to talk to, so don’t make assumptions or jump to the offence. Listen and connect with your teen - logic may push them away.
Become your teen’s cheerleader, not their director! We all want to solve our teen’s problems, but that often leads to dependency between parent and child. Instead, engage with them in the process and explore solutions together, rather than dictating their actions. Support your teen’s plan to move forward in their lives.
Focus on progress vs. perfection. Perfection focuses on what's not working (their flaws, etc.), and progress focuses on what’s working, what’s improving, and the “aha!” moments that come from looking at things in a new way.
Here’s the most important factor I want you to remember as you go on to guide your teenager: As a parent, you know your teen better than anyone else. There is no guidebook on raising a teen that promises a 100% success rate. Your teen will make mistakes, and so will you. However, it’s how you both move forward that paves the way for true happiness.
You provide the floor, and they build the ceiling.